I recently read a funny post by Don Cooper on how he thought the birth of Jesus would have went if Joseph was able to tweet about it (see the link below). This got me thinking how a bank strategy session would go if we conducted it via Twitter. Below is an abbreviated tweet stream of how I envisioned it going down.
@bankceo Welcome to our first ever strategy tweetup! Today we will set bank strategy in 140 characters or less.
@bankconsultant I hope this strategy tweetup thing doesn’t reduce our fee.
@banklender Every second I spend in this mind-numbing strategy tweetup I can’t be with customers, having a power lunch, or be on the links.
@bankmarketer This strategy tweetup thing is the best idea EVER!
@bankfinance REMINDER: Request an ROI on this tweetup thing from @bankmarketer
@bankconsultant Ok everyone… let’s role with this tweetup idea. What are this bank’s key strengths?
@bankmarketer Our website
@bankfinance We have no strengths.
@bankconsultant Moving on… what are weaknesses that we must address?
@bankmarketer Branch people, because they can’t sell.
@bankceo Branch people, because we have the wrong people in the wrong seats.
@bankfinance Branch people, because our cost of funds is too high.
@banklender Branch people, because they’re not lenders.
@bankconsultant Alright, let’s talk vision. If we were to look out five years, what should the vision of this bank be? Where do we want to go?
@banklender [eyes rolling]
@bankmarketer To be the best bank we could possibly be by positioning ourselves to create value for customers… and world peace.
@bankceo To provide superior service to our customers: retail, business, not-for-profit, ethnic, non-ethnic, under-banked, over-banked, [exceeds 140 characters]
@bankfinance I never got the “vision thing”.
@bankconsultant Alright, @bankfinance insists we get specific on financial targets. Where do we see this bank’s ROA in 3 years?
@bankceo We have to be careful putting a number out there bcause we don’t want the Board to pull this doc in 3 yrs and hold us accountable.
@bankmarketer What’s an ROA?
@bankfinance 2%! [Thinks to self: Do we have to pay @bankconsultant for this?]
@banklender The ROA would be great if lending didn’t have to pull this bank like we were Budweiser Clydesdales hitched to a beer wagon.
@bankceo Thanks to all 4 joining our first strategy tweetup. It was very productive and we clearly have our marching orders for the future!
The above, of course, is a figment of my imagination. However, if you're bank actually had a strategy tweetup, please notify me and we will be happy to put your guest post on these pages!
Have a great holiday season everyone!
The Birth of Jesus: As tweeted by Joseph