Saturday, June 05, 2010

A Few Good Commercial Lenders

My boss loosens up strategic planning retreats with funny stories and anecdotes. Below is one of my favorites. The commercial lender's part is played by Jack Nicholson and the finance part is played by Tom Cruise from A Few Good Men. If you haven't seen the movie or don't remember the sequence, I have it embedded below. Enjoy!


Lender: "You want answers?"

Finance: "I think we are entitled to them!"

Lender: "You want answers?!"

Finance: "I want the truth!"

Lender: "You can't handle the truth!!!"

Lender (continuing): "Son, we live in a world that requires revenue. And that revenue must be brought in by people with special skills.

Who's going to find it? You Mr. Finance? You, Mr. Operations?

We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.

You scoff at the Lending division and you curse our lucrative incentives.

You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know: That while the cost-of-business results are significant, they drive revenues.

And my very existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, Drives REVENUE!

You don't want to know the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at staff meetings ... you want me on that call. You NEED me on that call!

We use words like another round, top-shelf, medium-rare, on-the-rocks, cabernet, cognac, luxury box, Cohiba and foursome. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent negotiating something. You use them as a punch line!

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep under the very blanket of revenue I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it.

I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way.

Otherwise I suggest you pick up a phone and call on some customers and prospects. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"

Finance: "Did you expense the lap dancers?"

Lender: "I did the job I was hired to do."

Finance: "Did you expense the lap dancers?!"

Lender: "You're g**damn right I did!"

1 comment:

  1. Jeff - I have the same thing for sales, bring it out about once a year for a good laugh! Thanks for sharing..